i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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