You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
