She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
