she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
