That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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