Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
