My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
