I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
