I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
