I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
