I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
