The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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