I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
