A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
