There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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