Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
