I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
