She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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