I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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