I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
