I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
