Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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