I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
