the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
