Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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