I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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