I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
