Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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