Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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