we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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