Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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