So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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