Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
