I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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