new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My vagina is officially offended.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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