This dress was meant to end up on your floor
love makes seman taste better
nutella sex= disaster
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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