in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
