Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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