So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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