Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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