Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
