i wish starbucks made bloody marys
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
