very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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