fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
