i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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