Someone shit on the floor
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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