i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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