drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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