Everything about him screamed your future.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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