New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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