I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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