She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
