how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
