I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
