At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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