He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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