OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I lost the right to judge tonight
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
