you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
