please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
