Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
