i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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