i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize