Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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