she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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