There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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