i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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