I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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